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Boys will be boys.   
03:59am 24/05/2007
  ok ive decided my livejournal is just for my personal rambles.
Wow.Never thought in a million years i had a chance with this certain someone thats one of my friends.
Yeah I definitly broke that last night.
One of the hottest boys i have ever seen and one of the most interesting.
Mary's hot tub 4 am thats all i have to say.
(yeah good to know there were camera_)
The weirdest part is that i always thought of him as a jerky man whore.
but we actually are good friends and we have quite a bit more in common then i had ever thought.
plus he actually helped me tonight with some money for smokes so that was awesome.
once again im doubting this is a one time thing seeing is that we get drunk together at least twice a week.
I have a crush on him its weird.
09:58pm 24/04/2007
  Im seeing a boy who is awesome,but has a girlfriend.(for some reason i dont care because she lives far away and he doesn't see her too much anyways)
Me and My old bestfriend are talking again.(yay its good to have him back)
My car is discusting.
I am broke.
I need to go to school soon.
My 22 birthday extravaganza is going to be the shit.
I have an addiction to slurpies
No matter what i eat i keep on loosing weight.Its awesome.
I'll gross you out with my happiness.   
01:43pm 08/04/2007
mood: loved
I am seeing the most amazing guy.
I wish i could wake up next to him everyday.
He makes me happy.The Happiest i have ever been.
I found a keeper.(its about time right.)

This has been the craziest year of my life.
It better keep on getting more crazy.I love it.
trying to find balance.   
12:33pm 27/03/2007
  it was such a pretty view on the top of the free parking garage last night.The sad part is i didn't take time to enjoy it instead i was drinking the beast and sparks with a my boy and his friends hoping that the cops didn't show up.The cops never showed and me and my boy pulled a classic scene from "titanic".Im sure you can figure it out,Which is also why im nervous because the more i hang out with him the more i want to be with him.Now that we became completely intimate im a little nervous things are going to change but it didn't feel that way.It didn't feel like a one time deal.I dont know why i get myself so nervous.He told me he was "whipped".I guess that can mean a couple of different things.Well Then I perceided to tell him i have a huge crush on him.Take into consideration this was afterwards.This is all so new.At least I was safe this time.Well Sortof safe we had some issues..lol.Im not going there.I cant believe my number is a full hand now.Its amazing how being 21 certainly changed my opinion about being so damn scared of sex.Now its the complete opposite.I love it.I definitly like my boy alot.He treats me well.I think this really is going somewhere.Future boyfriend maybe???I hope so.  
this cycle of love and garbage.   
12:12am 24/03/2007
  Disclaimer: ok i know its got sex in it guys but this is coming from a girl who had absolutly nothing for years until like november and has little relationship experience except for this year.Im a sex and the city season I think.
you know what i love,
not knowing and yet know exactly whats going to happen next.I love when this boys see's me he kisses me right on the lips in front of everyone.He holds my hand like im going to disapear from him.He wants to be an astronaut and hes smart enough and young enough to do it.He tells me Im gorgeous.He dances with me and spins me around.Its amazing to think the boy that hit on me a couple of weeks ago makes me so happy today.I cant get over how nice he is.And heres the kicker we havent had sex yet.So that erases the term "fuck buddy" right out the picture thats all me and the last guy ever were anyways i just couldn't see how sleeping with someone 4 times in a small time frame could mean absolutly nothing but i guess it does.now this is something different,its weird when you want to do it and so does the other person but you stop yourself because you know the wait is worth it.Well the wait is almost over in fact we pretty much have a certain night set.Its weird its not like im loosing my virginity or anything but its exciting.Maybe its the start of a new chapter and i dont realize it maybe this boy really is the real deal what ive been looking for all along.When we kiss its like i want to hold onto that second for as long as possible and im talking the lip to lip kiss not the i want to do you tongue down your throat kiss(and thats not bad either).Its weird cuz we do hold onto that moment.I dont know this is weird im not used to it.
12:16pm 23/03/2007
  Some Music I am currently obssesed with:
Little girl-Death from Above 1979(MsTrkrft RMX)
Blood in Our Hands-Death from Above 1979(Justice RMX)
Perfect Exceder-Princess Superstar Vs.Mason
In my Arms-Mylo
Sexy Results-Death From Above 1979 (MSTRKRFT RMX)

As you can see my taste has definitly changed.Im obssesed with Electo Dance music.OBSSESED.
Relationships and the roller coaster.   
04:32pm 20/03/2007
  Ever since ive turned 21 and got over Trevor and his bullshit,there has been a surge of males in my direction.This is a good thing and the fact that its been one at a time is nice.So just to update im not sleeping with "mr downtown" (as i will call him) anymore.He got back with his Ex and that was that.Didn't hurt me that bad either.Now right at the end of Me and Mr.Downtown's fling, This nice looking guy hit on me while we were at backbooth and i danced with him.Now this was exciting but i was nervous so i was almost about to say oh well because i was still feeling Mr.Downtown.This is when he got back with his ex and i said "Lets find that boy"Well We certainly did and now i dont know what we are. We have not had sex either which lets me know this isn't some sexcapade like usual.Last night was amazing once we found each other at the bar we were attached the rest of the night.He likes holding my hand which is sweet.And the fact that he wanted to makeout with me even though i was sick was pretty impressive to me.He reminds me of Johnny Whitney from the blood brothers.(which we all know is perfect for me)He is straight up the most fun to makeout with out of the many people i have kissed.This monday was the third time me and him met up and he asked for my number.I wonder if he will actually call me.Im sorry if i sound like a 16 year old but as we all know im not the most experienced in the relationship department.Its exciting and fun and i cant wait to see where this goes.  
how did i know this would happen.   
11:47pm 03/03/2007
  Im crushing hard for this guy.I swore to myself i would not let myself feel like this but i am.Oh well its fun.I just hate how i do things backwards.Im dislexic at my social life.  
02:21pm 19/02/2007
  I havent written in a while so i figured id give an update.Well Im not friends with Trevor anymore and the weird
part is that its almost a relief he was more of a burden than anything else.I love my life right now.I have great friends great times and its more fun then its ever been.There is a boy in my world too.I dont know what is happening Im excited to see though either way im good.I thought what was going to be a one time thing ended up being twice in three days and its weird because its not just sex.Im not going to name names because this person is extremly well known amongst the downtown world and who i thought was way out of my league.He is so hott i dont know how the heck this happened.its so good you dont have a clue.YAY IM SO HAPPY!
02:08pm 19/02/2007
  I havent written in a while so i figured id give an update.Well Im not friends with Trevor anymore and the weird
part is that its almost a relief he was more of a burden than anything else.I love my life right now.I have great friends great times and its more fun then its ever been.There is a boy in my world too.I dont know what is happening Im excited to see though either way im good.I thought what was going to be a one time thing ended up being twice in three days and its weird because its not just sex.Im not going to name names because this person is extremly well known amongst the downtown world and who i thought was way out of my league.He is so hott i dont know how the heck this happened.its so good you dont have a clue.
when your inner voice tells you its right.   
11:05pm 27/01/2007
  Have you ever seen your future standing in front of you.I have.I know it better than anything ive ever known in my entire life.Ive never felt anything like this before.Im still not caught up to where i need to be for it to happen so i need to take some extra strides the next few months to prove i am ready for it.I know all of this is up to me.  
a month for the boys.   
10:39pm 24/01/2007
  Hooked up with john again at pirate party
kissed langle
Held hands with hugo after crush(so unexpected)
Kept catching eyes with mike(i dont why he keeps on staring at me)

what is going on????
why cant someone just have a crush on me and actually let me know.
these games are driving me crazy the only thing i know how to do is have sex im not good with the romance dept.
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sometimes all you need is a kick in the ass.   
01:25am 14/01/2007
  I figured out what i need to do to get the love i want so badly.And all it requires is me doing whats best for me and thats going to school.Im going summer semester and im going to have the greatest 22 birthday on the planet,because someone wants me to go to school more than even i do.I think i realized tonight why he pushes me so badly and thats another reason why i want to go that much more.The fact that someone actually see's potential that no one has seen before amazes me.After summer im going to be checking out places downtown to see what i can afford and who wants to come with.im excited about this year.I have so many opportunities coming my way.  
so the truth be told.   
10:44pm 30/12/2006
What type of partier are you?
Your Result: Bar Slut

You like to keep them drinks flowing till you can't remember much - not that you would want to. Along with your judgement, your inhibitions go 'bye bye' and you end up making out with, and sometimes taking home, random people who sound 'good at the time'. In your drunken haze, you and all your freinds are the sexiest, most swingin, and hottest things on the planet. You've lost many items of clothing in random places.

The rock-star party animal
Bar Social Butterfly
Hardcore drunk
The Socialite
The Lurker
The designated driver
What type of partier are you?
Make Your Own Quiz
sweet christmas trees.   
10:04pm 27/12/2006
  I had an amazing christmas.Went to Crush after the family deal,then went to a party with a bonfire then I ended up taking care of my semi unconcious/puking best friend till 8 am the following morning but it was so much fun.I even got to spray paint.It was definitly a christmas for the books.I got my bicycle and a wireless weather station,which basically any readings i get from my car can be transfered to the computer and turned into graphs which is really neat.Im starting to become attracted to Jason we kept on catching eyes last night at grits and gravy.I wasn't going to try and sleep with him though he had a few girls around and i didn't want to look like mega ho.So I'll just go for it tommorow at least i want to.Well see what happens everyone is screaming at me to date him but it doesn't work like that.I have to go completly backwards with him which harder then liking someone and never being with them.Plus we barely talk so its odd i try talking to him sometimes but bar talking sometimes doesn't work out.plus i dont want to seem interested beyond sex unless i find out that he is.this has definitly helped me move forward with getting over my bestfriend and now we are actually doing extremly well as friends no drama makes it so much more fun to hang out with him.Everything is really good right now.Im satisfied with the way my 2006 is coming to a close.I need to have sex one more time before 2007 to make my goal.So Somebody better be prepared tommorow..ha ha.  
History repeats itself.   
04:23pm 18/12/2006
  Everyone i fall in love with, falls in love with -------.  
02:40pm 12/12/2006
  The way things have been going,id say im going to start the new year on a good note.Ive made some good acomplishment's socially speaking.I think its all prep for next year.Im going to try to go to school and actually save money so i can get to the midwest not permanatly just to check it out.Ive probably had the craziest past two months of my life when it comes to guys.I think me and number two are going to become regular backseat buddies on monday.I dont know what it means when you have a double night stand.Im not attracted to him at all.iIts weird we had the most amazing sex and then we actually held a conversation unlike last time.He held my hand afterwards which is odd to me.Really I just want to have sex i have no emotional attachment to him.Im scared he might be thinking otherwise though.its strange when you have sex with someone and you basically have no idea what they are thinking.  
what to do??   
02:49pm 11/12/2006
  So one of Mitra's friends whom i met the other day just messaged me on the space and wants to take me out.Im not really attracted to him but im almost willing to give him a shot because nobody has ever asked me out on a date before.Im questioning his motives though because he is friends with John my umm partner from the other night.I hope that these younger indie kids arent thinking oh shit there is an older girl i can fuck and get alcohol from.Its kinda amusing to me because ive always liked older guys.I still do but there much more about games and manipulation.but yeah i will continue on this topic later.  
The word slut makes me cringe.   
02:24am 10/12/2006
  I really like livejournal, for the fact that i can say whatever the hell i want and only a few people i actually know will see it, not everyone in spaceland.I have a problem with certain things right now.I had my heartbroken recently by someone extremely important to me and still is.I dont see why it is such a big deal for me to go out and have fun.I spent six years with almost no physical connection to a male.Its not fair to say that i shouldn't be having sex.And yeah i worry about stds and pregnancy.I would like to find love and sex but love is not in the cards for me right now.It never really has been.I think i should be able to have sex without being a called a slut.I think I deserve that and if doing this is making me happy right now then so be it.I got to sleep with a very attractive male yesterday who i actually have things in common with and who knew what he was doing.Not only that he made a big effort to talk to me this morning and make sure it wasn't akward i give him serious credit for that.If im a slut then that is fine.At least im having a good time and not getting my heartbroken but still getting something out of being attracted to someone,even if its lust instead of love.Ive spent my whole life falling in love with the wrong guys and not taking any opprotunites to be with anyone intimately speaking.Im not scared of it anymore.In fact i like it and thats the way it is.  
oops i did it again.   
03:27pm 09/12/2006
  My life is so random lately.
This boy was hott though and nice.
And i was actually able to converse this morning without the akwardness.
Pretty impressive for a 19 year old.
now where is planned parenthood??(unfortunatly i was not thinking)
I dont have anytime to get there and i need to get the emergency pill.
Sex was not so overated last night.It was actually decent.